What is domestic abuse and how can I get support?
The information in this article is taken from Refuge, Women’s Aid and Woman’s Trust.
Women’s Aid defines domestic abuse as an incident or pattern of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence. In most cases, it is by a partner or ex-partner but could also be by a family member or carer. It is very common.
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of age, background, gender, religion, sexuality or ethnicity. However, statistics show most domestic abuse is carried out by men and experienced by women.
Domestic abuse is never the fault of the person who is experiencing it.
Domestic abuse is a crime.
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What is domestic abuse?
Domestic abuse is not always physical violence. It can also include, but is not limited to:
- coercive control and ‘gaslighting’ (a pattern of intimidation, degradation, isolation and control with the use or threat of physical or sexual violence)
- financial or economic abuse
- online or digital abuse
- verbal abuse
- emotional and/or psychological abuse
- physical or sexual abuse
- harassment or stalking
Signs of domestic abuse
Has someone close to you:
- threatened or humiliated you, maybe in front of others
- damaged your belongings or property
- controlled what you do
- controlled how you use, or have access to, money
- followed or visited you without your permission
- been putting you down constantly, criticising you
- blamed their culture, religion or personal problems as an excuse for their behaviour towards you
- pushed, bullied, slapped, kicked, punched or seriously hurt you
- forced you to have sex when you don't want to
- forced you to make decisions you don't agree with (personal, physical, financial, legal or maybe about a family member)
- threatened you or made you fear for your safety
Women’s Aid has an online questionnaire, which might help you to recognise if you are in an abusive relationship.
The Domestic Abuse Act came into UK law in April 2021, which among other important changes established a definition emphasising that abuse isn’t just physical; it made non-fatal strangulation a criminal offence; and recognised that children who see, hear and experience domestic abuse are victims in their own right.
The Act also importantly gave victims the legal right to ask the police for the offending history of their partner through ‘Clare’s Law’, and this request cannot be refused.
What to do if you're in immediate danger
If you or someone you know are in danger you should phone 999 and ask for the police.
If you are unable to talk on the phone, dial 999, listen to the questions from the operator and respond by coughing or tapping the handset if you can. Then follow the instructions depending on whether you are calling from a mobile or a landline.
If you call from a mobile
If prompted, press 55 to Make Yourself Heard - this will transfer your call to the police. Pressing 55 only works on mobiles and does not allow police to track your location.
If you call 999 from a landline
If only background noise can be heard and BT operators cannot decide whether an emergency service is needed, then you will be connected to a police call handler. If you replace the handset, the landline may remain connected for 45 seconds in case you pick up again. When 999 calls are made from landlines, information about your location should be automatically available to the call handlers to help respond.
If you or someone you know are in danger you should phone 999 and ask for the police.
If you are unable to talk on the phone, dial 999, listen to the questions from the operator and respond by coughing or tapping the handset if you can. Then follow the instructions depending on whether you are calling from a mobile or a landline.
Organisations and charities that can support you
Safe Spaces
Safe Spaces can be found in Boots, Morrisons, Superdrug and Well pharmacies, TSB banks and independent pharmacies across the UK. Once you are inside, help will be available for you.
Many Safe Spaces can also help you if you use the codewords ‘Ask for ANI’.
This lets victims get help to call the police on 999 or specialist support services.
Find your nearest Safe Space.
One Stop shops
Oasis Domestic Abuse Service - Drop-in centres (oasisdaservice.org)
Kent & Medway Victim Support
Can offer non emergency support and help you plan safely.
0808 1689 111
Kent Integrated Domestic Abuse Service
Works to keep you safe from harm
www.domesticabuseservices.org.uk
Refuge - National Domestic Abuse Helpline
Refuge runs the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, which you can call for free, and in confidence, 24 hours a day. Its website provides guidance and support for people affected by domestic abuse, as well as those who are worried about friends and loved in ones. It also has a form you can use to book a safe time for a call from them.
0808 2000 247
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/Contact-us
Women's Aid
Women's Aid works with women and children to end abuse. If you're experiencing domestic abuse you can chat to them using their instant messaging service, email one of their support workers, speak with other women in their forum of survivors or get help and advice from their survivor's handbook.
Woman's Trust
Woman’s Trust is a specialist mental health charity, providing free counselling and therapy for women who have experienced domestic abuse.
Man Kind
Man Kind support men suffering from domestic abuse from their current or former partner (including same-sex partners). Their confidential helpline is available weekdays 10 am - 4 pm.
ManKind Initiative - Supporting Male Victims of Domestic Abuse
018230334244
Galop
Galop provides Hate Crime, Domestic Abuse and Sexual Violence support services to LGBTQ+ victims and survivors by telephone, text and WhatsApp. Their helpline is available 10 am - 5 pm Monday to Friday and until 8pm on Wednesday and Thursday.
0800 999 5428
Imkaan
Imkaan is a UK based, Black feminist organisation addressing violence against Black and minority women and girls. Their website has a list of specialist organisations by and for BME women.
https://www.imkaan.org.uk/get-help
Southall Black Sisters
Southall Black Sisters offer specialist support, advocacy and information to Asian and Afro-Caribbean women suffering abuse.
https://southallblacksisters.org.uk/
Karma Nirvana
Karma Nirvana supports victims of honour-based abuse and forced marriage. Their helpline is open 9 am - 5 pm, Monday to Friday.
0800 5999 247
Respect Men’s Advice Line is a helpline for male victims of abuse. They offer non-judgmental support, practical advice and information.
0808 801 0327 Mon–Fri 10am-5pm
Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men | Men's Advice Line UK (mensadviceline.org.uk)
Mon-Fri 9am-5pm
Webchat support Wednesday 10-11:30am and
Thursday 2-4pm
LAWA
Latin America Women's Aid runs the only two refuges in Europe by and for Latin American women and children fleeing gender-based violence. They offer advice in Spanish, Portuguese and English.
SignHealth
SignHealth provides domestic abuse service support for deaf people in British Sign Language (BSL).
020 3947 2601 (call)
07800 003421 (text, WhatsApp or Facetime)
https://signhealth.org.uk/with-deaf-people/domestic-abuse/
SATEDA
Domestic Abuse Service in Kent – SATEDA
RISING SUN
Services for Domestic Violence Victims | Kent | Rising Sun (risingsunkent.com)
Oasis
Oasis Domestic Abuse Service (oasisdaservice.org)
